rewilding #109 reflection

The last 10 days have held space for beautiful, painful, heartfelt reflections. Spending 5 days in Kansas and 18 hours in the car jumpstarted this journey.

As I meandered around the park tonight, I dove into partnership. We often offer our best energy outside of this relationship with little left for the person we are cultivating one of our deepest bonds with. I have done this. My heart felt so heavy in that reflection. May the solstice offer strength, clarity, and unflinching light.

xoxo amrutaa
photo: evening walk & meditation; neighborhood park

rewilding #108 careful tending

It feels ridiculous to say that I never really understood how grounding it is to have a garden. When life pulls us in all the many directions, these sweet little beings bring us back to careful tending.  

For instance, I was encouraged to drink warm water upon waking (before having coffee) by offering a simple drink of water to a wilted plant and witnessing it come back to life. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: high altitude summer garden

rewilding #107 heart explosions

This weekend was about resting, rejuvenating, remembering, reading, reveling, redirecting, releasing, revealing… as you can imagine more ‘re’ words were thought and said—including REWILDING.

Didn’t have much of a plan and was delighted by the surprises around every corner: professional musicians offering opera and harp (what?!?) at evening campfires; star touring with shared telescopes; gift of an extra night at this heavenly haven; free Hawaiian honey… as you can imagine, my heart was exploding. 

This sunset kept exploding with more colors, textures, and shapes <3 <3 <3

xoxo amrutaa
photo: camping at Valley View Hot Springs, CO

rewilding #106 gratitude

As I was dragging myself to work this morning, I thought about my first patient. Ray is a large man in his 80s, with decades of chronic pain as his companion. I thought about all the stories he’s shared with me, and how often we giggle in delight at life’s absurdities. 

I walked into the office at 8am on the dot and Patient R was already in the waiting room. I smiled, put my hand on his shoulder, and could immediately tell how much that meant to him. As I was working on his neck, he mentioned how grateful he is to share his life experiences with me. He hoped I would pass them on after he is gone. Such a sweet moment. 

12 patients later I left the office with a tired body and a felt sense of gratitude. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: super beautiful 3-day Memorial weekend bike packing adventure

rewilding #105 when it rains

Most of us (including myself) will turn around and go back inside when it rains.  Grateful to be reminded of the reward of changing gears and pushing through these perceived obstacles. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: bike packing, CO

rewilding #104 just for fun

From most inside spaces I look outdoors and long to be outside. This gets tricky when attempting to stay present with the needs of the indoors. It also makes going outdoors feel like an obsession. Everyone at work (with the exception of one long distance runner) laughs at me when I share how much I’ve done on the weekends. 

What makes this all feel right is that it is truly just for fun. I am not out to attain much beyond the delight of being in nature, and so it makes this obsession feel less heavy as there is not much attachment to achievement. 

Tonight, a slow evening run amongst cows, perfect temps, Sanskrit in my ears, and beauty all around.

xoxo amrutaa
photo: Bluestem trail, south Boulder

rewilding #103 birthday plunge

One delightful way to reverse the aging process is to play outside as much as possible.

So why not celebrate the day with a giggle-fest-cold-plunge in the canyon before work?!?

Hoping that each day I continue to ask myself ‘how did I play today?’

xoxo amrutaa
photo: Boulder Creek, 6:15am, 5/12 (rewind 2 days)

rewilding #102 little wins

I ran out of time to get to a campsite on Friday evening and had to improvise. The main goal was to practice putting up my tent, cook outside, sleep on the ground, and troubleshoot problems that came up with any and all of these. This silly idea was totally worthwhile.

Tent—great
Cooking outside—good, but forgot a key items (did not go inside to get them)
Sleeping on the ground–need a pillow!

Oh, and nature’s alarm (birds singing at 4am) had no snooze button. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: backyard camping, Boulder

rewilding #101 listening

I am grateful to be building meaningful relationships with many of the people I work on. Their stories inspire me to reflect on beauty, pain, resilience, and endless other human experiences. I continue to be surprised at how they also want to understand my experiences. Giving and receiving deep listening is such a gift.

Listening to a rewilding call to take a short solo camping adventure tomorrow evening.
‘Dad,’ if you are reading this—I promise to bring a compass and plenty of water!

xoxo amrutaa
photo: morning walk, south Boulder, CO

rewilding #100 unexpected

Life offers endless unexpected opportunities to experience her lessons & beauty.

Didn’t know if I’d make it to #100. Definitely had my doubts. So happy I did. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: snow on 5/7, Ned, CO

rewilding #99 poetry

Time flies when you are having fun.
-Rumi

…and just in case you were wondering—that is not actually a Rumi quote ; )

xoxo amrutaa
photo: reading poetry and eating tacos w/Taali & Ash

rewilding #98 shadows

What is the body? That shadow of a shadow of your love, that somehow contains the entire universe.
-Rumi

I keep typing and immediately deleting every word because Rumi nailed it. I’ll stop now : )

xoxo amrutaa
photo: making shadows in NoBo 

rewilding #97 pain - dissonance - discovery

Physical Pain - Mental Dissonance - Emotional Discovery

This was my view for most of the weekend. About halfway through the race I paused and wept bc I was overwhelmed by the beauty.

That being said, pain was also about to overwhelm my body. Around mile 18 my left knee let me know that I couldn’t run one more step. At that point I decided to try and walk to the finish line. That happened. Nice to meet you again physical pain.

I also continue to greet the pain of mental dissonance surrounding purpose-filled work. A phone call with a friend got me fired up this morning to shed dissonance and say what I want out loud. This is the start to courageously closing doors to open others which could potentially make our hearts explode. I want to honor a newer connection here in Boulder (I hope to call her a friend soon!) for making one of these difficult decisions today. I see you and I am with you.

And finally—EMOTIONAL DISCOVERY. Why am I surprised that this is the most painful of them all?! After running away for so long now, I would really like to hang up my running shoes. "The practice of gazing at the beloved is like a float trip that takes you down the river of your soul and ends at the ocean of union."  -Rumi

Grateful to a handful of you (especially to Avitaal) for encouraging me to continue writing. 
Grateful to continue this REWILDING journey through pain, dissonance, and discovery.

xoxo amrutaa
photo: Collegiate Peaks 25 Mile Trail Run, Buena Vista, CO

rewilding #96 truth

Compelled to journal about TRUTH this evening, I felt into where, what, how, when, why:

where do I feel TRUTH in this moment—chest
what—hurt & needs
how—feel & express
when—now
why—it is time

Quite painful to actually look at TRUTH.

xoxo amrutaa
photo: striking rainbow, bringing in the new year

rewilding #95 movement

Moving through mental stuckness requires so much effort. It is interesting how I have experienced this as “pain” in the body. What has always helped me, and continues to help me—movement. 

Grateful these souls wanted to ride today.

xoxo amrutaa
photo: Casey, Erica, Vu, moving together 

rewilding #94 envisioning

Sitting in a coffee shop envisioning 2025 was beautiful, with deep thoughts/writing around these pieces flowing easily:

Love & Friendship, CO Exploration, Roots, Nourishment, Plastics b-gone, Spiritual mash up, Music, Yoga Teaching/Massage, Retreats/Book, Adventure

xoxo amrutaa
photo: exploring Lafayette, CO

rewilding #93 hanumas 2024

xoxo amrutaa
photo: Bobby, Amy, Taali, Emily

rewilding #92 love

A friend sent this photo to me today and reminded me of the profound ways we all intertwine and show each other love.   

Dani reminded me of many beautiful memories as well as gratitude for hosting his delightful family on many occasions. On one occasion we played Jenga and hula-hooped with his son Alexander, after singing Christmas songs with Sweet Mama playing the piano. What a joy to remember our love in this way. 

So grateful. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: Christmas Eve service, Lawrence, KS with Sweet Mama, Dani, and his lovely wife

rewilding #91 hanumas

Christmas & Hanukah fall on the same day this year—seems auspicious.  

As I consider what feels meaningful to celebrate this week, the answer (again & again) is connection. If you are reading this, I am grateful for our deep connection. 

With dear Taali joining for “Hanumas,” I have been wondering how to offer her a warm welcome. Tonight we decided that we will make latkes and sit by the Christmas tree. So sweet. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: Potato Latkes for “Hanumas” (a Hanukah & Christmas coming together…we commented pretty simultaneously that our favorite part of that combo is it sounds like Hanuman!)

rewilding #90 unexpected inspiration

I did not want to set my alarm last night, and I also did not want to drive to Boulder to practice this morning. 

That being said, I am so glad I did. Preconceived notions were just preconceived notions. 

Unexpected inspiration. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: Boulder Zen Center Saturday practice (meditation/dharma talk/Q&A/tea & cookies)