rewilding #120 cheerleaders

We all experience shifts in our lives that feel like short-lived microbursts or click-your-heels tornados.

As the breeze is picking up right now, I sincerely appreciate the cheerleaders in my life. 

Meet Chelsea: wild spirt, courageous human, supportive friend, bright light, soul sister

xoxo amrutaa
photo: river time in Ned, CO

rewilding #119 raw

Like most things, raw has positive and negative qualities. Rubbed raw—not so great. Raw beauty—pretty great.

The other day I had a good 2.5 hours on the top of a mountain to contemplate this. How nature can eat us alive in one moment and drop us to our knees (good way) in the next. 

Rewilding has been a raw ripping ride for me. Grateful for some drop to my knees experiences this past weekend. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: 4th of July Trailhead hike, CO

rewilding #118 simple

All day I’ve been thinking about the best word to describe Brian’s coffee trailer endeavor. What keeps coming to mind is simple, but without any hints of easy or basic. 

I have spent so much of my life chasing complexity: bigger, faster, higher, longer, deeper…

Brian and I had a nice conversation this morning about his own rewilding journey. Selling his house to buy this trailer; to enjoy mornings in the park; to be untethered from the grand attainment mentality. This is not at all easy or basic. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: Brian’s coffee trailer, Harlow Platts Park, Boulder

rewilding #117 falling

Monday-Friday I bring a lunch to a park in South Boulder. I often sit on a bench with a lovely inscription:

Be vulnerable.
Hold trust.
Express appreciation.

As I continue to learn and grow in ways that test the above statement, there is a deep understanding that there is no other option.

The rock in the photo was climbed 3 days ago—up with a rope and partway down without. People ask if I have a fear of falling while climbing. Oh my yes! This rewilding journey strikes the same fear chord, with daily opportunities to fall through the fear. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: Castle Rock, Boulder Canyon

rewilding #116 adversity

Anna Pfaff has been an alpinist and an ICU nurse for over 20 years. A few years ago she lost 6 of her toes to frostbite. A year after that she was back on a mountain in Nepal.

Most of us are drawn to these kinds of stories. It is easy to be inspired by someone who falls, picks themselves up, and does the thing anyway. This comes in many forms and we see and experience it all the time.

How can we learn from these stories in a way that is applicable to our lives? How do we get up and do the thing anyway? How do we lift up those around us to do the same? Questions I’m asking myself tonight. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: “ANNA” documentary viewing with alpinist Anna Pfaff, Boulder CO

rewilding #115 pain

Most weekdays from 8am - 5pm I am working with humans who experience migraine/chronic pain. 

How and why my rewilding journey has this specific focus is unclear to me, and I know it is important. 

Today I was fueled by one of these humans. Along with chronic migraine she carries with her: fibromyalgia, POTS, and pretty severe PTSD (at the age of 23). I have the honor of witnessing her journey on a daily basis and she is killing it (Wenda, if you are reading this…so are you!). Feeling exhausted and wanting to support my own health, I continuously chanted her name today on a run that I didn’t particularly want to be on. Such a gift to me. 

Witnessing and holding another’s pain is a reason to be here now.  

xoxo amrutaa
photo: lunch run at Harlow Platts Community Park, Boulder CO

rewilding #114 bonding

Every day we get momentous opportunities to bond with our fellow humans. 

Honestly, sometimes bonding feels like a chore due to attachments to likes & dislikes. Navigating this either takes work or it takes putting those things down. Absolutely up to us.

There are times I run (hike, bike, car, plane, you name it) away to escape this process. This kind of retreating doesn’t really teach me much about the human bonding journey. BEing together and learning from eachother is creating our ‘spiritual’ communities.  

xoxo amrutaa
photo: 2024 RECHARGE Yoga & Nature Retreat, Morgan UT

rewilding #113 double rainbow

As it goes in CO, we experienced a couple of quick rain showers this afternoon. After the second downpour, this stunning double rainbow appeared. 

I was standing in a parking lot gazing up at the sky, and a mom & daughter asked me if I was also visiting Boulder. I suppose I looked like a tourist standing in the middle of the street in Times Square (NYC) looking up. New Yorkers don't ask you if you’re a tourist though. They just tell you to get the hell out of the way.

I asked them why they thought I was a tourist? Their response was that no one else around was paying attention to the rainbows. The young girl pointed out all the colors that we don’t normally see in rainbows. I acknowledged her keen eye and we enjoyed a sweet moment together.

What was your double rainbow today? 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: double rainbow, Boulder CO 

rewilding #112 journey home

This week I started reading the autobiography of Radhanath Swami, The Journey Home. He is an American Swami who felt the call to a spiritual path and ended up in India. We’ve heard this story before and this one is poking me.

I set my alarm for 4am this morning so I would have time to read before going to work. I felt like the kid in The NeverEnding Story. 

”The closest mountain took the shape of a heart at its very top. I gazed at it for hours thinking of how it symbolized for me the heart of God, a heart that is unlimited, giving ultimate shelter to all beings; a heart that is majestic and beautiful. Just as in climbing a mountain we leave behind the earth where we stand, to reach the heart of God we have to leave behind unfavorable earthly attachments. Sincere spiritual practice is an uphill climb, and no matter how many difficulties we face, we have to continue looking upward with hope. The mountain provides all support for those who strive to reach its top.”

Grateful to a newish friend for a delightful conversation this evening about her journey home. May we all have the heart to continue this uphill climb together. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: taken by a patient/friend, CO 

rewilding #111 race to nowhere

Yesterday I leisurely rode about 20 miles on beautiful gravel roads that led to some single track where all the mountain bikers cursed me for riding the loop uphill. They seem to like going really fast downhill and I like to go really slow uphill. 

As I was enjoying taking my sweet time, my mind stumbled into a memory of a question I got asked on the regular in Kansas: Where do you go to church? I don’t get that question in Colorado. What I do get asked is: What race are you training for? This made me giggle for a good long time. 

I am actively participating in a race to nowhere.

xoxo amrutaa
photo: gravel(ish) ride, Boulder(ish) CO 

rewilding #110 grief

I have been carrying around deep grief for longer than I am willing to admit. It has felt like a wet shadow that follows me around—all the time. 

Yesterday I hiked/scrambled up an 8,459 ft peak on the Front Range, and although I was alone, I wasn’t lonely.

Along with alone-loneliness, I have been haunted by shame and a voice that loudly whispers ‘you don’t deserve to be happy.’ I’m not totally sure why that voice grows dim.

It is that voice who is carrying the grief. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: gloriously moist & moody Bear Peak summit, Boulder CO 

rewilding #109 reflection

The last 10 days have held space for beautiful, painful, heartfelt reflections. Spending 5 days in Kansas and 18 hours in the car jumpstarted this journey.

As I meandered around the park tonight, I dove into partnership. We often offer our best energy outside of this relationship with little left for the person we are cultivating one of our deepest bonds with. I have done this. My heart felt so heavy in that reflection. May the solstice offer strength, clarity, and unflinching light.

xoxo amrutaa
photo: evening walk & meditation; neighborhood park

rewilding #108 careful tending

It feels ridiculous to say that I never really understood how grounding it is to have a garden. When life pulls us in all the many directions, these sweet little beings bring us back to careful tending.  

For instance, I was encouraged to drink warm water upon waking (before having coffee) by offering a simple drink of water to a wilted plant and witnessing it come back to life. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: high altitude summer garden

rewilding #107 heart explosions

This weekend was about resting, rejuvenating, remembering, reading, reveling, redirecting, releasing, revealing… as you can imagine more ‘re’ words were thought and said—including REWILDING.

Didn’t have much of a plan and was delighted by the surprises around every corner: professional musicians offering opera and harp (what?!?) at evening campfires; star touring with shared telescopes; gift of an extra night at this heavenly haven; free Hawaiian honey… as you can imagine, my heart was exploding. 

This sunset kept exploding with more colors, textures, and shapes <3 <3 <3

xoxo amrutaa
photo: camping at Valley View Hot Springs, CO

rewilding #106 gratitude

As I was dragging myself to work this morning, I thought about my first patient. Ray is a large man in his 80s, with decades of chronic pain as his companion. I thought about all the stories he’s shared with me, and how often we giggle in delight at life’s absurdities. 

I walked into the office at 8am on the dot and Patient R was already in the waiting room. I smiled, put my hand on his shoulder, and could immediately tell how much that meant to him. As I was working on his neck, he mentioned how grateful he is to share his life experiences with me. He hoped I would pass them on after he is gone. Such a sweet moment. 

12 patients later I left the office with a tired body and a felt sense of gratitude. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: super beautiful 3-day Memorial weekend bike packing adventure

rewilding #105 when it rains

Most of us (including myself) will turn around and go back inside when it rains.  Grateful to be reminded of the reward of changing gears and pushing through these perceived obstacles. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: bike packing, CO

rewilding #104 just for fun

From most inside spaces I look outdoors and long to be outside. This gets tricky when attempting to stay present with the needs of the indoors. It also makes going outdoors feel like an obsession. Everyone at work (with the exception of one long distance runner) laughs at me when I share how much I’ve done on the weekends. 

What makes this all feel right is that it is truly just for fun. I am not out to attain much beyond the delight of being in nature, and so it makes this obsession feel less heavy as there is not much attachment to achievement. 

Tonight, a slow evening run amongst cows, perfect temps, Sanskrit in my ears, and beauty all around.

xoxo amrutaa
photo: Bluestem trail, south Boulder

rewilding #103 birthday plunge

One delightful way to reverse the aging process is to play outside as much as possible.

So why not celebrate the day with a giggle-fest-cold-plunge in the canyon before work?!?

Hoping that each day I continue to ask myself ‘how did I play today?’

xoxo amrutaa
photo: Boulder Creek, 6:15am, 5/12 (rewind 2 days)

rewilding #102 little wins

I ran out of time to get to a campsite on Friday evening and had to improvise. The main goal was to practice putting up my tent, cook outside, sleep on the ground, and troubleshoot problems that came up with any and all of these. This silly idea was totally worthwhile.

Tent—great
Cooking outside—good, but forgot a key items (did not go inside to get them)
Sleeping on the ground–need a pillow!

Oh, and nature’s alarm (birds singing at 4am) had no snooze button. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: backyard camping, Boulder

rewilding #101 listening

I am grateful to be building meaningful relationships with many of the people I work on. Their stories inspire me to reflect on beauty, pain, resilience, and endless other human experiences. I continue to be surprised at how they also want to understand my experiences. Giving and receiving deep listening is such a gift.

Listening to a rewilding call to take a short solo camping adventure tomorrow evening.
‘Dad,’ if you are reading this—I promise to bring a compass and plenty of water!

xoxo amrutaa
photo: morning walk, south Boulder, CO