rewilding #20 ‘tears of joy’

I could feel Sweet Mama’s energy cheering me on as I crossed over into Colorado this evening. The slivery silvery moon was draped in this colorful cape. Tears of joy.

xoxo amrutaa
photo: Mountain Time

rewilding #19 ‘fire of love’

Devotion is natural to the soul. It is our nature. Tapping into devotion offers beauty, poetry, romance. The opposite is grasping—and we are never satisfied.

Devotion is the essence of love & relationships rooted in consciousness. To get on this plane of love is a process. We must want to know & find the beloved so much that it is lobha—a one-pointed greed to invoke the divine.

Expressing our devotional story is a way of worship where alchemy takes place in the ocean we co-create with our beloved. Devotion grows until it is a fire of love—pure ecstasy.

xoxo amrutaa
photo: honoring Jagannatha on Ratha Yatra; honoring a dear teacher, Prema ji, for her raw devotion

rewilding #18 ‘faith in the unknowable’

Faith in the unknowable.

xoxo amrutaa
photo: standing in a puddle, delighting in the sensation

rewilding #17 ‘freedom for exploration’

SUP Lone Star Lake with Mary. We were co-creating a camping trip in the Flint Hills and decided a lake adventure was more appropriate. I love that she even considered camping in the heat!

Mary is embarking on an adventure of a lifetime—building & running a Center for Self Exploration. I deeply admire her commitment to sharing these tools & practices. Clear path, strong mind, inspiring mission.  

She asked me a beautiful question: what is important to you right now? The first three words out of my mouth: freedom for exploration. Thank you friend, for riding the ripples with me on this journey. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: water babies afterglow

rewilding #16 ‘now that’s rewilding’

Walking off into the forest for 14 years. Now that’s rewilding.

The name you see written in Devanāgari (script of Sanskrit) is ‘Rāma,’ and he continues to epitomize the potential of human greatness. Not sure I can give a blog-brief synopsis of the Rāmāyana here, but this prince left luxury (exiled) and had some wild adventures in the forest. 

I sang praises to Rāma today for the opportunity to experience the potential of human greatness. One example being John, who in his 70s, after a stroke, vowed to exercise 10 minutes a day for 21 days. We chanted at his beautiful altar, and then I had the honor of completing day 1 with him. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: this card was gifted to me with the instruction to offer it to someone I love. It is now in the possession of Purna ji & Sunita ji. They cooked for me tonight, on their 25 wedding anniversary. This is the Indian way, and I bow to this beautiful culture again & again. Jaya Rāma!

rewilding #15 ‘breaking the mold’

Micro adventure with sweet Mama Bear. This woman wrapped her loving arms around me by brilliantly planning our micro adventure. She packed snacks, sunscreen… you name it, she brought it. When our zip lining guides asked us to give each other nicknames—I smiled and wrote ‘Mama Bear’ on her brain bucket.

This was my first time zip lining and love that it was in the jungle of Bonner Springs, Kansas. Mama bear is already a zip lining pro and has such an adventurous spirit. So grateful for her generosity & positivity.  

Another more mellow but equally inspiring adventure in the early morning gave me something to chew on while flying through the trees. This generous soul openly & clearly offered her thoughts on romantic partnership. I felt stuck trying to speak about mine. Later in the day, I had a funny visual of putting my cheerleading uniform back on. Cheering on growth and expansion, while putting 100% effort towards my own and never holding back. Always running towards higher potential even when every model, every system tries to mold us into submission of normality. Breaking the mold. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: en route to the first of 9 ziplines!

rewilding #14 ‘it still fits’

It was 100 degrees when we started running at 5pm, and so pretty quickly decided to walk & yoga instead. After a couple of hours, we were gifted clouds and drizzle—wonderful to watch the storm roll in. 

I had another (hot) micro adventure this morning, biking part of the Lawrence Loop. A friend borrowed her son’s mountain bike to ride with a nut job (me). I didn't give her details beyond time & place to show up. For the most part, her recent biking experience has been riding a cruiser bike a few blocks to the Farmers Market.

We ended up riding about 12 miles. It was energizing for me to witness her stretch herself in this way, and these kinds of observations have been the gifts of decades of teaching. I put down my teaching hat 4 months ago not knowing if I’d want to pick it back up. In a way, I am trying it back on. It still fits. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: favorite spot at the Wetlands. Consistency is this friend’s personal growth goal and I am cheering him on.

rewilding #13 ‘so many questions’

Barefoot adventure at sunrise in the rain. We planned to practice yoga-asana outside on their deck, and instead said our hellos and started walking down the golf course without shoes or a plan.

My absolute favorite part of our adventure was how deep/personal our conversation was at 6am. I should probably warn people that light conversation isn’t possible for me right now. These sweet souls just celebrated their 43 wedding anniversary, share the same spiritual path, and enjoy spending time together. I had a lot of questions. So many questions. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: 18th hole, Lawrence Country Club 

rewilding #12 ‘we are consumed by pleasures’

bhogā na bhuktā vayameva bhuktāḥ…
Pleasures aren’t consumed—only we are consumed by pleasures. Yet another beautiful Sanskrit mantra brought to attention today. We can laugh or cry once we realize that pleasures are eating us alive vs us being alive by consuming them. Fuck shit damn again (refer to Rewilding #1).

Sanskrit mantras (mind chew toys) help pull me out of endless attaining mode. It is even more helpful when these tools are graced with music + singing with others on the search of these truths.

This gift was offered and accepted today. A few of us chanted together, tuning our instruments & voices to gongs. WOW WOW WOW. The partials (frequencies beyond fundamental tone) seemed infinite and it felt like a Brillo pad mind scrub. You are just there. You are there. You are. Off comes the ‘you.’

I am starting a beginning Sanskrit class tomorrow from 9-9:30am (CT) via Zoom. Someone asked so I said yes. This will be super slow and ongoing—one vibration at a time. Reach out with interest. No monetary exchange. Sharing your energy and vibrations continue the spiral. OM

xoxo amrutaa
photo: from a sunrise walk at the Wetlands with Ashley Devi (it was ‘cold’ this morning!)

rewilding #11 ‘renunciation vs embracing’

45 minutes of chanting later, I arrived at Devi’s farm this evening. Our outside adventure plans were taken inward for a farm fresh meal, energy healing, music, and philosophy. This woman is not an armchair philosopher—truth is beautifully integrated.

I drove home contemplating the philosophies of Advaita Vedanta and Tantra. How the concepts of unity within dualism and dualism within unity are facing off in my life these days. Renunciation (spitting out) vs embracing (gobbling up). I’ll stop here because it is late and I am satiated. Jai Hanuman.

xoxo amrutaa
photo: so much love and care put into every aspect of the farm

rewilding #10 ‘the world is one family’

ayaṃ nijaḥ paro veti gaṇanā laghu-cetasām | udāra-caritānām tu vasudhaiva kutumbakam ||

An ode today to a wonderful man living the essence of this Sanskrit mantra—the world is one family. Thank you for being you ‘dad.’

A ‘sister’ and I were chatting about this concept earlier today. We agreed that we limit our love, care, help to our family. It can be a form of ownership and our world ends up being pretty small. 

I’ve been thinking about this so much while running down new paths, and am inspired by those with expanded views. The items in the photo were spontaneously gifted from the beautiful soul I mentioned above. Also love that his t-shirt said something about us regrouping in hell.

xoxo amrutaa
photo: water filters, solar powered charger, compass—for those of us who get lost and dehydrated in the desert

rewilding #9 ‘oopsie adventure’

Strava is an App that mainly tracks runs, rides, hikes. I’ve never been interested in holding on to these stats but it has been inspiring to celebrate these small wins with a friend who shares her running stats. 

What is also inspiring is my riding buddy (in his 70s) kicked my butt on flat, uphill, downhill, gravel, pavement—you get the point. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: this ride was supposed to be a 90% gravel ride. We got lost and rode on federal, state, and county highways. Loved the oopsie adventure. 

rewilding #8 ‘not fine conversations’

Foraged mushrooms (chanterelles, top right corner) + freshly harvested produce = microadventure extraordinaire. The bounty in the photo was picked and consumed today. Kale & chanterelles were lightly sautéed in butter with herbs. The rest was roasted together with olive oil, salt & pepper. Blackberries were enjoyed while on the hunt for chanterelles, and 2 dogs (also blackberry pickers) joined our adventure.

Mushrooms are magic : ) The friends whose woods we foraged in asked me what my favorite food to harvest is, and with no hesitation—mushrooms. We all agreed that chanterelles are delightfully elegant and delicious.

The usual question ‘how are you?’ began our interaction. The answer was ‘fine’ and I dug for a not-so-stock answer. We dove in deep once their answer shifted, and I am grateful. BTW, my answer was ‘lost and confused.’ 

Seeking, hands covered in dirt, not fine conversations, gifts of nature—hell yes. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: chanterelles, potatoes, kale, herbs, carrots, peppers, onions 

rewilding #7 ‘holding each other up’

Today I reached out for support. I don’t have to do this alone. I don’t want to do this alone. 

xoxo amrutaa
photo: holding each other up in SLC

rewilding #6 ‘12:12’

Meet Taali. This young seeker and I spent 3 weeks together in India earlier this year. I left India in March and she is still there. We decided to microadventure together/apart, and as eager is my superpower—today was the day.

Although Taali is mainly stationary in one location, she has rooftop access and is able to walk outside. Even so, how could we possibly microadventure together? This is what we came up with:
~get outside to walk once an hour (12 hours total)
~memorize an inspiring poem or mantra on each walk (12 in total)

Holy hot day in Kansas. I had the streets to myself as I fought the wandering mind. By hour 3 I was already making up excuses to quit. I did not quit. Because I didn’t quit, so much beauty (example below) was absorbed. 

I am beholding through the eyes of all, I am working through all hands, I am walking through all feet. The brown, white, olive, yellow, red, and black bodies are all mine. 

I am thinking with the minds of all, I am dreaming through all dreams, I am felling through all feelings. The flowers of joy blooming on all heart-tracts are mine. 

I am eternal laughter. My smiles are dancing though all faces. I am the waves of enthusiasm in all God-tuned hearts.

I am the wind of wisdom that dries the sighs and sorrows of all humanity. I am the silent joy of life moving through all beings. 

-Paramahansa Yogananda

xoxo amrutaa
photo: Raipur Swami Vivekananda Airport
aside: Taali exists in my future (Tuesday for her, Monday for me).  I look forward to her rewind/update.

rewilding #5 ‘serve love give’

Sankalpa

Swami Satyananda Saraswati

I am an invisible child of a thousand faces of love
That floats over the swirling sea of life,
Surrounded by the meadows of the winged shepherds,
Where stillness of divine love and beauty
Rain in the spring and bloom in the midnight
Summer's warmth of softness.

Often I pass to the place
Where there is no separation of the sun and moon,
But where eternal light spreads a carpet
Of sparkling reflections of itself
Within the hearts and eyes of all,
Even those who are blind to see.
Where sweetness has no taste,
For it is the essence of all beings,
And where teardrops water flowers of happiness
And pass into brooklets of experience
And then to the open sea.

Life often cuts at my body and mind,
And though blood may be seen passing,
And a cry might be heard,
Do not be deceived that sorrow could dwell within my being,
Or suffering within my soul.
There shall never be a storm
That can wash the path from my feet,
The direction from my heart, the light from my eyes,
Or the purpose from this life.

I know that I am untouchable to the forces
As long as I have a direction, an aim, a goal:
To serve, to love, and to give.

Shall I fall on bended knees
And wait for someone to bless me
With happiness and a life of golden dreams?
No. I shall run into the desert of life with my arms open,
Sometimes falling, sometimes stumbling,
But always picking myself up, a thousand times if necessary,
Sometimes happy.

Often life will burn me,
Often life will caress me tenderly
And many of my days will be haunted
With complications and obstacles,
And there will be moments so beautiful
That my soul will weep in ecstasy.

xoxo amrutaa
above: offered by a friend via Zoom last night (excerpt)
photo: taken on a bike ride last week in Breckenridge, CO, Boreas Pass (my soul wept in ecstasy)

rewilding #4 ‘microadventures’

I’ve been obsessing about the concept of microadventures after listening to an interview with Alastair Humphreys (rode his bike around the world for 4 years…) who chatted about the endless possibilities for outdoor adventure in small units of experience. This can be before, after, instead of, or in preparation for bigger adventures.

The extreme measures taken thus far to rewild myself don’t feel very micro. Four months ago I gave up almost everything and went to India for 3 weeks. Four days ago I returned from Utah after spending 6 weeks agonizing about what to do next. I’ll stop here and say that I am grateful for the opportunity to be consciously uncomfortable. 

Calling one human at a time to co-create a microadventure. I have finally come to accept that I prefer the intimacy a one-to-one experience with another human offers. You can’t hide (by ‘you’ I mean ‘I’), and so the depth of vulnerability and connection are readily accessible. This is especially palpable within the silent moments that are awkward or not awkard depending on one’s friendship level with silence. 

What is a microadventure? Alastair says they are “adventures that are short, simple, local, cheap – yet still fun, exciting, challenging, refreshing and rewarding.” The only thing other parameter that I ask of willing co-creators (beyond one, maybe two at a time) is that our microadventures are outside. 

xoxo amrutaa (pronounced umm-rit-aah or Mary)
photo: 6am outside of a tent, just before climbing Tachycardia in Maple Canyon, Utah

rewilding #3 ‘i am with you’

An exercise rest day was much needed today after 6+ weeks of nonstop riding, running, and rock climbing around Utah and Colorado. Altitude + long uphill climbs were experienced as a Type 2 fun (fun in retrospect) for most of that trip. Convincing myself that the burning in my lungs & legs was tolerable, in combination with endless backwards counting from 100, kept me going uphill. 

You know what? This kind of intense riding is now Type 1 fun (fun while it’s happening). I am hopeful pedaling into the deep unknown will also transform into Type 1 fun.

This blog is forevermore dedicated to a dear friend for her support and friendship. We were rock climbing in Maple Canyon last weekend and she mentioned that her BIL (pretty extraordinary alpinist and expedition climber) would say “I am with you” when belaying a fellow climber. That sentence means so much to me now and I if I say it to you—I mean it. She also inspired the Roasted Butternut Squash & Chickpeas dish in the photo. We cooked this together in SLC and there were quite a few nods of approval at the dinner table (me to her and her to me, let’s be real here). I free soloed it today and am happy to share the recipe. The yogurt & heavy cilantro-ing are key.

xoxo amrutaa (name change happened in India earlier this year)

rewilding #2 ‘small wins’

Please allow me to introduce you to this lovely lady. She is a Surly Bridge Club gravel bike purchased last month from the Ottawa Bike & Trail shop. Not sure what her name is yet, but since we already have an established intimacy (she’s witnessed me cry…a lot), I’ll get to her name at some point as well. 

For now, I’ll share a small win we celebrated together today when halted by a BRIDGE OUT sign in north Lawrence. We eyed the sign for about 30 seconds and then pedaled on through the thick mud. Duh, we got stuck and she was carried across a construction zone with audible huff-ing, puff-ing, and other ings. We continued on.

Why am I writing about this? Because I am going to look back at this one day with a deeper understanding of how important these small wins were—not to mention the magnitude of this new relationship.

xoxo amrutaa hara (those are all of my new names, I promise)
photo: also a small win figuring out how to proceed (aka turning around) in this situation

rewilding #1 ‘weblog diary’

REWILDING—questioning every aspect of existence and following nature. Fuck shit damn, that is an adult way of saying I just lit my life on fire and am watching it burn while I pedal away as fast as I can on my bike. 

This photo was taken on May 12, 2024 (birthday) when I took myself camping (alone) in Moab, Utah, got lost on my bike in the desert (alone), ran out of water & food (still alone), and slept in my car (alone). Why I am smiling? Well, I went camping alone for the first time, got completely lost, and kept going. 

xoxo amrutaa (I’ll explain the name change at some point)
ps: I debated about ‘fuck shit damn’ and tried on words like ‘sheesh.’ Nope.